UnNews:Mistaken location leads to fornication

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Mistaken location leads to fornication

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24 August 2016

M n F

We thought we were in heaven.

CASABLANCA, Morocco --

Moulay Omar Benhammad and Fatima Nejjar, two hard-preaching Muslims, had driven to the beach for a bit of relaxation after a long day of telling other Muslims not to indulge in sex. Unfortunately, they were observed disregarding their own advice and. since they were not married, in the situation of having broken the law. Moulay initially complained that they were being set up, but on further consideration has offered a slightly different explanation for the incident.

"It was a divine revelation", he claimed with an uplifted finger, "In the sublime surroundings of Mohammedia Beach, I was convinced that I was in Paradise, and of course the first thing that crossed my mind was the crowd of virgins that were waiting for me. So enthralled by the vision of eternal satisfaction was I that I mistook my companion for one of these heavenly young women and began partaking of the delights that were due to me as a holy man and firm believer. My distress upon discovering that I was not yet in Paradise, and that I had mistaken my companion in preaching for the first of my heavenly rewards was devastating. Still, I see the whole thing as a premonition of my eventual apotheosis and an eternity of the old horizontal limbo."

Fatima has gracefully accepted this explanation and gone so far as to say that she, too, thought that Paradise had unexpectedly precipitated itself upon them, right there in the back seat of the automobile.

"While Islamic women are not given as detailed a description of Paradise as are the men, it was clear to me that there would be a great deal of the sort of thing that Moulay and I have been exhorting people not to do, and I felt it my duty to participate as enthusiastically as I was able for the greater glory, etc. etc."

The Islamic Unity and Reform Movement, for which Moulay and Fatima had previously delivered many stern warnings on the dangers of debauchery, have not wholeheartedly accepted this, no matter how touching the assertions of Moulay and Fatima. In fact MUR has more or less cut them loose to face the criminal justice system of Morocco on their own. It is expected that other preachers will have to take up the cause of celibacy on the local airwaves. As it is said in the ancient verses, "He who gets caught has committed the worst sin".

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