UnNews:Minute Movie Trailer Review - "Cars"

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8 June 2006

HOLLYWOOD, USA -- Disney and Pixar, the people who brought you such cinematic gems as "Turds: The Flush of Love," and "Gizmos," have teamed up again to bring you yet another movie about various things or animals that have human voices and get involved in some shit or another. The movie is called "Cars" and it's opening soon in theaters everywhere. Even on the Moon.

From the trailer, "Cars" is apparently about a very colorful, rounded-off world in which trucks and automobiles have sort of human faces and voices. This is an old gimmick for cartoons, but apparently not a dead gimmick. There's a rusty, old tow truck that runs down the road, and it has a conversation with a red family sedan about something. I don't know what, though, because I didn't have the sound on.

Then it switches to all this stuff about car racing, like NASCAR stuff, where the cars are all really aggressive-looking and race around a track. So I'm guessing that the sedan wants to be a race car or something (another stupid and unoriginal idea), so he can be famous or impress some chick automobile, or maybe it's to do something to "save the junkyard." For some unknown reason these movies like to encourage kids to be altruistic and help others.

Anyway, the movie will probably have a lot of bright colors and funny noises in it that dumb little kids should like, and they won't care that the concept is old and stale because they've never seen it before. And there will probably be a lot of easily recognizable personality types embodied in different styles of cars, which should make good toys for McDonald's to sell. You might as well go see it. What else are you doing with your boring life? Nothing, I bet.

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