UnNews:Minority-hating Democrats seek to oust Gonzales
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Minority-hating Democrats seek to oust Gonzales
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, October 28, 2016, 19:47:UTC)(
20 May 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
WASHINGTON D.C. -- In a move called "sick" and "twisted" by people all over the nation, Democrats have sought a vote of "no-confidence" in an attempt to throw out heroic Oppressed Minority (and Attorney General) Alberto Gonzales. Mr. Gonzales, or "Speedy", as the president calls him, is the first minority to ever hold a post in the White House cabinet, and, as such, has been unfairly targeted by minortiy-hating Democrats since he began office.
"I just don't like the Mexicans. They're all lazy." Says Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott (Dem- MO). "I don't like them, and I don't like this Gonzales fellow ruining a perfectly superior, white cabinet." Sen. Lott, it appears, is in the majority along with many of his other Senator bretheren. He cites "Willful and persistent acts of being a mexican." among his charges, along with "General laziness" and "I think that boy done stole mah bike, too."
Sen. Chuck Schumer (Dem- NY) Denied claims that the issue was about race. "I have no issue regarding Mr. Gonzales's race. I have serious doubts about his record, condoning torture and such." the corrupt Senator said in a
bold-faced lie public statement. "We are basing this vote on his dismal handling of Guantanamo bay and terror-related fiascos, his blatant denials of civil rights, and his unlawful firings of prosecutors." Said the clearly-racist Senator.
Even some on the good, moral, uprighteous side of the blessed Republicans have let their true colors show. In a statement, Senator
Benedict Arnold Arlen Specter (Rep- PA) said he had "little confidence" that Gonzales would be able to continue effectively as Attorney General. "As much as it pains me" The alleged head of the Klu Klux Klan said, "I do not believe that he has done his job effectively. These allegations of misconduct seem to be true, and that is very alarming."
The Senate published a non-binding resolution, asking for Gonzales to "take responsibility for his actions", which, as we all know, is honky-speak for "Let's all oppress a rebel minority."
Mr. Gonzales said, despite pressure from the white devils, he would not capitulate, and urged more minorities to step up and defend his courageous actions. Already, a guerrilla force is lined up to overthrow the state should any mishap befall the valiant Attorney General.