UnNews:Minor parties under the spotlight

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Minor parties under the spotlight

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25 April 2015

GEMinorPartySlogan

The slogan of the "Stop Political Rape" party, a minor party standing at the GE.

UK -- With the SNP, the Green Party, UKIP, Plaid Cymru and the Northern Irish parties (DUP and Sinn Fein amongst them) now being classified as major minor parties, a new wave of parties have filled the gap of minor parties in the UK General election. These parties have pledged all forms of bizarre, non-mainstream policies such as raising the minimum wage, supporting local hospitals and libraries, and as the BBC points out, most laughably "universal peace".

Here is a small selection of these parties:

edit Christian Alliance Party and Christian Party

The Christian Alliance Party and the Christian Party have coordinated their efforts to stand in the election without opposing each other. They're hoping to finally create the Christian Alliance, a concept that was flawed when the Christian Party and the Christian Peoples' Party split from the Christian Alliance Party and allied against the Christian Alliance Party. The leader of the Christian Alliance Party assured viewers on the Daily Politics Show, "The reasons for the split were hysterical...I mean historical and now we are looking to reunite our parties after this general election. The difference in our names can be forgotten, but I still stand by my accusation that last year's floods were a result of gay marriage."

edit Communist Party of Britain (CPB)

The Communist Party of Britain (Not to be confused with, Communist Party of Britain (Marxist-Leninist), Revolutionary Communist Party of Britain (Marxist-Leninist), Communist Party of Great Britain or any other split from the Church of England) are standing 9 candidates for the up-coming General Election. They are the only party that does not need to write a manifesto, as they had already released a manifesto worldwide that has become the second most sold book in the history of the world, ironically providing a lot of income to bookshop owners. In accordance with true Leninist principles, the Communist Party of Britain's General Secretary assured the public that they have made sure that they have stood in Labour safe seats, so as not to hinder the Labour Party in the General election campaign. This seems to be a recognition of the fact that the Communist Party will have to seize power instead of obtaining it democratically.

edit English Democrats

The English Democrats are a split from UKIP, and should not be confused with the EDL, which crucially has "League" at the end of the name. They want a devolved parliament for England, thus giving the English the same rights as their oppressed Scottish and Welsh counterparts. Unlike the Liberal Democrats, they are English and so they do deliver what they promise, even if it is four years later than expected.

edit TUSC (Trade Unionist and Socialist Coalition)

The Trade Unionist and Socialist Coalition or TUSC for short is the largest of the minor parties. Unlike the Communist Party, their National Chair said, "Our founder Bob Crow always told the Labour Party to f**k off and that is the legacy that we will continue." Also unlike the Communist Party, they are Trotskyists so despite the temptation to seize power through revolution, they are going to try and win an election democratically by fielding candidates in 1/6 of the possible seats. Their claim that the establishment media is paying them no attention has now been dropped after UnNews covered their campaign, as UnNews was established in 2005.

edit North-East Party

The North-East Party propose to crown Cheryl Cole the Queen of England, put Newcastle's name on globes of the world rather than merely on its beer bottles, and attack Yorkshire First for dividing the North-Eastern cause. Their party leader said, "Frankly, when I set up this party the support I got was amazing. I really, really want to win. My grandma is counting on it. I'm so proud of the industrial achievements of the North-East."

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edit Liberal Party

The party that led the country through the First World War with their leader, Prime Minister Lloyd George, is fielding a grand total of 4 parliamentary candidates in May. After the Liberal Party signed a deal with the Social Democrat Party to become the Liberal Democrats, some members of the Liberal Party remained loyal to the cause of libertarianism and continued under the name of the old party. Their liberal attitudes to politics mean that they haven't bothered to campaign substantially this election as they want people to stop having a fundamentalist devotion to politics. Their lack of support shows that simply by adding democracy into a political party name it can achieve great things.


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