UnNews:Minneapolis bridge collapse foils terrorist plan to blow up same bridge
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Minneapolis bridge collapse foils terrorist plan to blow up same bridge
Where man always bites dog
Wednesday, September 28, 2016, 13:43:UTC)(
2 August 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
“THE BRIDGE, IT IS OUT!! THE BRIDGE IS OUT”
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- The Department of Homeland Security announced today that yet another evil terrorist plot has been foiled thanks to increased surveillance authorized by the Bush administration. An interstate bridge on route 35 West in Minneapolis had collapsed on its own, preventing terrorists from blowing it up just moments later. One witness stated, "The bridge made a loud rumbling sound as it fell," and a civil engineer was quoted as saying, "the bridge became unstable just before it collapsed." Sources at Fark.com and The Daily Kos have concluded that the collapse was yet another false flag attack against American citizens at the hands of the current administration and Halliburton.
Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff revealed that counter-intelligence message interceptions (recovered from an iPod in Cuba) indicated that Al Qaeda affiliated terrorists were in the midst of executing a sophisticated operation to bomb that very bridge "sometime later on the very same day." But thanks to shoddy construction work being done on the structure, the bridge prematurely collapsed into the Mississippi on its own. An anonymous source, Charles Pugh, was on the scene and confirmed that the bridge collapsed just moments before a group of thirty Middle Eastern men arrived with jackhammers. "It's another victory in the war on terror," declared President Bush in an evening speech to the nation, comparing it to the steampipe explosion in Manhattan two weeks ago.
Meanwhile, a Taliban spokesperson familiar with the plot to blow up the bridge was dismayed, saying "To be honest, this rush-hour collapse was more effective than anything we could have planned." Osama Bin Laden is reportedly already scripting a new audio tape urging his followers not to give up, but to learn from this failure.
Republicans seized the opportunity to point out that recent budget allocations have helped protect the country from this being a terrorist attack. White House press secretary Tony Snow explained, "By taking money away from the federal transportation budget, the resulting underfunded construction work on the bridge helped it collapse on its own, before the terrorists could get to it." He went on to emphasize that the Iraq War was is an integral part of the War on Terror, as it allows terrorist to "blow up bridges over there, so they don't have to blow them up over here."