UnNews:Ming the Directionless Resigns Lib Dem Leadership
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17 October 2007
LONDON – Liberal Democrat leader Ming the Directionless was on Monday forced to resign by himself. During the stressful time prior to the announcement Ming was helped by Chris Huhne, who warned him that MPs were plotting to depose of him and the only way to quell this was to resign, thus removing the plotters of their target. This appears to have been a successful move; as of now there are no Liberal Democrat MPs or peers calling for Ming the Directionless to resign.
Ming (or Sir Mezignesiess Campbell as he likes rent boys to call him) cited his age as a factor in resigning. When he took up the post, he was a mere 64 years old, but he decided that as a decrepit 66 year-old he could not continue in the face of media criticism over his age. This in addition to the fact that Prime Minister, Unflash Gordon had called of an early election that would have occurred this year until 2009, meaning Ming would be a massive 4.6% older than when he started his leadership.
Ming had also been criticised for losing support – in the last two the party dropped 10 points in the opinion polls. Recently this had also been a problem for the Tories under David Cameron but since he had no opinions, this wasn’t a problem. In both cases this was believed to be a result of both parties not having any policies, although Sir Ming accused David Cameron of stealing the Lib Dems’ idea of having no policies but not having the courage, as the Lib Dems did, of continuing through a potential election campaign with no policies. It is not known yet whether a new Lib Dem leader will introduce policies.
Because of Ming’s departure, a vacuum has been left at the top of the party, although by mid-December, another vacuum has been will take his place. The forerunners in the race (or as the Lib Dems prefer it to be known, non-competitive-brisk-walking-based-sporting-event) to succeed Ming look to be Nick Clegg, Lib Dem MP and former politician and Chris Huhne, the party’s environment secretary, the one who didn’t sleep with rent boys last time.
UnNews apologises for the late reporting of this story, but this important political event for the UK’s third biggest party was overshadowed Gordon Brown’s wife wearing a jacket with penises on it (see Sources).