UnNews:Milton Friedman demands free-market afterlife
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Milton Friedman demands free-market afterlife
Straight talk, from straight faces
Thursday, May 26, 2016, 14:37:UTC)(
16 November 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
PRIMUM MOBILE -- Recently deceased economist Milton Friedman sharply criticized the Almighty's use of salvation Thursday, saying his unchecked dominance of heaven and hell threatened individual liberty.
"Freedom of grace is absolutely essential to individual freedom," the 94-year-old Friedman told St. Peter outside the gates of heaven. "God's statist attitudes toward immortality are inhibiting the growth of souls and undermining democracy in paradise."
Friedman encouraged the Lord to remove blessings from the elect and plagues from the damned, arguing it creates "unproductive dependence on the Lord's will." He did suggest, however, that God subsidize the evil with grace to bring up their good works over the poverty of spirit level. He also strongly encouraged God to turn the work of angels over to a group of enterprising souls, led by F.A. Hayek and himself.
"Jesus once said, 'Love thy neighbor as thyself'," Friedman told the chief apostle. "In fact, he had it wrong. 'Love thy neighbor' assumes you are the patron, and thy neighbor the ward; you are the master, and thy neighbor the servant."
"The very difficulty of avoiding the enactments of the Lord is of course the great attraction of centralization to many of His proponents," Friedman said. "But the great tragedy of this drive, as of the drive to expand God's power in general, is that it is mostly led by men of good will who will be the first to rue its consequences."
- Noble, Holcomb "Milton Friedman, a Leading Economist, Dies at 94 ". New York Times, November 16, 2006
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|