UnNews:Millions of stingrays found dead; Now endangered
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Millions of stingrays found dead; Now endangered
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, July 1, 2016, 00:25:UTC)(
5 September 2006
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BEERWAH, Australia -- The day after the famed "Crocodile Hunter" met his untimely end on Monday, millions of stingrays have been found dead along the coasts of Australia with large bite marks, suspected to be from crocodiles. This has left scientists perplexed as this behavior of targeted killings is peculiar for crocodiles, though a recently discovered episode of "The Crocodile Hunter" shows Steve Irwin stating "Crikey! Crocs hate stingrays!"
Over 4,000,000 stingrays have washed onto shore in the hours since his passing, an unmistakable oddity as this was almost six hundred times more than the number of stingrays estimated to be living in the area. After an intense investigation by UnNews journalists, a leading marine biologist cleared the confusion with the concise explanation that the crocodiles had also killed stingrays who had "already lived, and were yet to be born."
Stingrays are the most recent animal to be added to the endangered species list, after the January 2006 addition of both Shortnose-Sturgeons and viewers of the WB. But as with the case of the latter, the Organization for the Safety of Endangered Species seems unwilling to provide protection for them. Expressing outrage after recent events, their spokesman was heard stating "Kill the bastards, every damned one. And the stingrays too."