UnNews:Millionaire ordered to demolish giant volcano moon base after 'secretly' building laser doomsday weapon
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Millionaire ordered to demolish giant volcano moon base after 'secretly' building laser doomsday weapon
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, February 26, 2017, 07:55:UTC)(
11 June 2009
A MILLIONAIRE BUSINESSMAN has been ordered to tear down part of his lavish new volcano moonbase after he secretly built an elaborate laser doomsday weapon platform without permission. Mr Scaramanga controversially won approval for the volcano base to be built on a popular beach in Dorset.
Council planners insisted the addition of a volcano moonbase would be "in keeping with the traditional English seaside setting that typifies Dorset."
But locals were aghast when builders working on the volcano base opened a folding flap in the roof to reveal a huge laser weapon hidden inside. The weapon was tested in March, destroying a small generic town in Mexico causing more consternation amongst locals. Mr Scaramanga, who also owns an undersea utopian city, made no mention of the feature in his original plans.
He has been served with an enforcement notice ordering him to remove the laser doomsday weapon, although he is appealing this. Residents and a local Heritage Group have written letters of protest to the planning inspector who is likely to oversee the appeal process.
Lester Haffinnaylarf, spokesman for the heritage group, said: "When this volcano moonbase was first built people suspected there was more to it than met the eye.'""
"As it was developed you could openly see that they were building a framework for the installation of an elaborate doomsday weapon. We were told it was just going to be a crocodile pit."
Scaramanger made no mention of the laser weapon in the original volcano moonbase plans submitted to the council in 2006, "I'm sure it would be very nice to sit up there of a summer's evening and dispatch a few generic Central American towns and villages whilst demanding Billions of dollars from the worlds governments unless they wanted London to be next."
"But the addition of a laser weapon platform wasn't in the original plans and had they been then everybody would have objected."
For his part Mr Scaramanga said there were a lot of people who thought his new volcano moonbase was wonderful, he said: "In between my plot for world domination I am happy for the locals to pop round for a barbeque and see that this base is a great addition for Dorset."
"I hope to have Dorset annexed as it's own country with me as its supreme ruler bvy next month anyway so all this nonsense is pretty meaningless anyway."