UnNews:Militant atheist violence continues
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.|
COLUMBUS, Ohio -- Buoyed by the recent release of another book by someone who hates God the wave of militant atheism reached a new peak today, with theistic casualties, from bruised egos to hurt feelings, measuring in the hundreds all across the great nation of the United States of America.
"It's unfortunate that these militant atheists hate America so much." rationally stated Bill O'Reilly on his popular Fox News channel program, The O'Reilly Factor, "They are reprehensible opportunists who try to exploit any perceived chink in the armor of loyal, God-fearing Americans, like the 'War on Christmas', for example. Sure, I may in some small way profit from spreading fear and more fear about the very real threat of the religion of secular humanism and its followers, atheist zealots, but they're the enemy of America. And Muslims, too. Oh, and illegal immigrants. Maybe legal immigrants as well, I haven't figured out if it's popular to hate them yet."
Militant atheists continue to chip away at the freedoms guaranteed by the US constitution, like the First Amendment right to be Christian. Persistent attacks by forces lead by the ACLU, for example, have eroded the layer of Jesus that our President, George W. Bush, has spread on America like so much pious peanut butter.
"They're only in it for the money," said Pat Robertson on his tax-exempt show The 700 Club, which transmits worldwide on CBN, the tax-exempt Christian Broadcasting Network, whose headquarters is located on tax-exempt land near one of his tax-exempt mansions. "which I prove in my new tape 'Laying bare the God-hating Anti-family cabal of lesbian-homo-atheist-muslims', available straight from CBN for the low low price of $14.95, plus shipping and handling charges. And taxes too."
Books excreted by the liberal media, like 'The God Delusion' and 'Letter to a Christian Nation', and videos from the liberal media, like 'The Root of All Evil' and 'Atheist Girls Gone Wild', have opened the door to atheism among the America's youth, leading several of them from the path of True Christianity™, fundamentalist evangelical Protestantism, to the dark and garbage-littered path of atheism and its godless liberalism, with mandatory abortions, evidence-based "science", evolution, gay rights, homo-fag marriages, and questioning authority.
Sam Harris, one of the most fanatical fanatics of the atheist religion, today blew up on Pastor Dennis James Kennedy, of The Coral Ridge Hour.
"Frankly, he hurt my feelings, saying that I was less than rational and that I ignored things like 'facts' and 'evidence' where ever they conflicted with a literal interpretation of the Bible." admits the Pastor, "I told him that 'facts' and 'evidence' are all fine and dandy, but only the Bible is truth. It's full of it. Truth, I mean."
"It's scares the bejesus out of me when they rush out into crowded public squares and drop the bomb. Why I heard one say, just the other day, that belief in something without evidence is irrational!" said Ken Ham, prominent young Earth creationist. "If believing that God made the entire universe in six days, six thousand years ago isn't rational, I don't know what is. To believe that He didn't make everything just for us is hubris of the highest order!"
Ken Ham and members of his organization Answers in Genesis believe that the universe was created approximately 6,000 years ago. Through the website answersingenesis.org, he spreads the truth that Satan and his forces, secular humanists, Muslims and unrepentant Jews, don't want you to hear; that man and dinosaur lived on the Earth simultaneously. His recently opened Creation Museum, in Petersburg, Kentucky, has pictures taken by Adam himself that prove this. "They're autographed and everything." he says, proudly. "Simply put, we use Biblical science to prove that 'sciency' science is wrong. The only truth is that which an iron-age tribe from the Middle-East passed orally for hundreds of years before getting around to writing it down. As we all know, the 'telephone' method is by far the most accurate way to pass down knowledge...and the New Testament. That's all true too."
"If this keeps up, by the end of the decade these hate-filled rationalists will be flying planes into buildings for their false idol, Darwin. Oh, and I think we should 'take out' Hugo Chávez." closed Mr. Robertson.