UnNews:Mighty Mighty Morzung Captured by rebel group
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Mighty Mighty Morzung Captured by rebel group
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, July 6, 2015, 12:08:UTC)(
21 January 2009
KAMPALA, Uganda: Ugandan rebels have captured the religious leader known only as "The Mighty Mighty Morzung". The Ugandan rebel group The National Resistance Army (NRM) announced the capture last night on then Ugandan news network "Al-Igator", along with a video.
The video was unrelated to the capture. According to Counts, they needed to return it to a store in the shop by Friday, and this was the fastest way they could think of returning it in time to avoid the $3 fine.
However, according to the NRM press-release, The Mighty Mighty Morzung was captured by mistake.
"It was a mistake to capture The Mighty Mighty Morzung," read the press release. "We apologise deeply to any one we may have hurt, and express our deepest regrets to The Mighty Mighty Morzung's family and followers."
The press release was met by a stoney silence from the major governments of the World.
"Oh, come on, guys," read a second press release. "Now what are we going to do? Please take him. The guy's the most obnoxious thing alive.
"Seriously, he, like, washes in Dijon mustard."
"I WILL CRUSH ALL PUNY HEATHENS!" declared the Mighty Mighty Morzung. "I AM ALSO DISAPPOINTED THAT I WILL NOW MISS WEEKLY GAME OF SCRABBLE AT FRIEND THE POPE'S HOUSE TOMORROW!"
His Holiness The Pope denied being friends with the Mighty Mighty Morzung.