UnNews:Microsoft unveils Internet Genuine Advantage
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
12 July 2006
REDMOND, WA — Microsoft Corporation, the current maintainer of the Internet, which UnNews has already referred to as the patent holder for the letter "e", in a surprising move, agreed to provide this letter for a royalty-free license to subscribers of the Microsoft Certified Websites program.
Leveraging its market-leading R&D resources, Microsoft has launched the technology behind the customer experience represented by the familiar letter: the Internet Genuine Advantage initiative. The Microsoft Business Solution Management Department issued a press-release describing the premise of this soon-to-be award-winning technology.
"Microsoft remains focused on providing solutions for the implementation of the backbone principles of the Internet," said Ms. Amaiza Boring, the Chief Operative Chairman of the Microsoft BSMD. "These market standard fundamentals are perceived as: security, interoperability, intellectual protection and trust."
According to Microsoft, Internet Genuine Advantage raises the Internet from the intrinsically insecure hacker-powered network to a trusted, certified environment. With the inclusion of single-design integrated Digital Rights Management solutions, the Internet is expected to return to its original design perception as a network designed for the communication of legitimate users.
"IGA brings about the end of omnipresent copyright infringement," continued Ms. Boring. "Eliminating the need for legal retaliation, by alienating the technical possibility of counterfeit software and other digital intellectual property, Microsoft aims to reach an unprecedented level of user-vendor collaboration."
"Genuine Internet communication, utilizing protocols inaccessible for the writers of potentially unsafe software, is a step in the direction of a future where pirate-to-pirate traffic circulation is crippled, and intellectual property theft obsolete. Allowing legitimate vendors to deliver content directly to customers over a trustworthy channel, IGA is Microsoft's vision of the future built around authenticity," says the official press release.
Warning: the above material is the intellectual property of Uncyclomedia Foundation, Inc. Protected by ROT26 encryption. Bypassing and illegitimate use of the browser "Save as" feature will be prosecuted.
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