UnNews:Microsoft finds problem with font folder, urges people to delete it
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Microsoft finds problem with font folder, urges people to delete it
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, August 4, 2015, 14:25:UTC)(
18 December 2008
Silicon Valley, California Shocking news was released this thursday when Microsoft announced to the world that they have finally isolated the cause of a Windows error that has existed since Bill Gates created his first personal computer in the late 1970's. The problem, the simple words you are reading. When Mirosoft went to program Windows the original Windows in late 1985, an anonymous hacker managed to hack into the programers computer and change all of the files used for showing the words and pictures you would want to read on your computer into extremely primitive versions of what we now think of as a computer virus.
"What the hackers managed to do was take our "fonts" and recode them into showing the symbols that people like to call "letters" which they use to create "words" and "sentences"." Said chief programmer in Microsoft's German office, Fred Gaurenterd. "Instead of showing increasing large hypnosis circles as users typed, these "letters" kept showing up. How are we supposed to hypnotize users into buying our excellent products if we can't hypnotize them? Wait you weren't supposed to hear that!"
The hacker who caused Microsoft all the trouble in the first place, going by the name of "The Invisible Hand", also decided to comment. "For me, it wasn't just the idea of possibly ruining a future multinational corporation that caused me to hack the source code, however the injustice of hypnotizing all users into buying their products is wrong." He said. "It simply forces out all competition and ruins any form of capitalism, and probably any trace of American government as well. I just couldn't let my ideas be destroyed like that."
In response to this error, Microsoft is strongly urging all users to find the font folder on their Windows based computers and delete the folder. "Once the folder is deleted from the computer, the operating system should default back to the default text file and users can just resume normal day to day operations." Gaurenterd said. "We're hoping that with the fix, our shares of the market will increase to close to close to 90% and supposedly, it will allow us to increase our profit 10 fold. But don't tell that to the consumer."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|