UnNews:Microsoft HiveMind Second Edition offers enhanced compliance, uniformity
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Microsoft HiveMind Second Edition offers enhanced compliance, uniformity
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out
Saturday, December 3, 2016, 11:44:UTC)(
26 October 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
BEDFORD FALLS, Maine - Microsoft shipped its latest version of HiveMind yesterday, HiveMind SE (HMSE), that boasts improved linking and obedience protocols designed to reign in difficult free-thinkers and other deviants.
The long-awaited upgrade gives small-to-midsized subcultures advanced mind linking and thought control capabilities without the need for third-party subsystems. Based on the company's new Microsoft Thought Manager, HMSE will be joined in January by two related tools--Microsoft Right Thinker (MBRT) 2.0 and OverMind Extended Mental Security Inventory Tool.
Like Microsoft Thought Manager, HMSE has been years in the making. To fulfill customer requests, the software giant originally planned to ship HMSE (then called BigBro 2.0) in early 2006.
"We know that your number-one desire is for us to eliminate the need for hands-on tweaking to achieve maximum compliance ratios," Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said during a keynote address yesterday at the Microsoft TechEd 2006 trade show.
Microsoft WebMind, the Web-based version of HiveMind, is now also available. Like Windows HiveMind, Microsoft WebMind provides easier interface options to Windows products but it also supports other open-source-based products, including Linux Insight and Sun Microsystems' Brain Wraith.
"Customers want us to do whatever we can to minimize the costs associated with mind control interfacing, and this gives both consumers and IT professionals exactly what they need," Microsoft Corporate Vice President Gordon Mangione said yesterday.
HMSE requires Windows PsychServer 2005 or Windows PsychServer 2002 with Service Pack 4 (SP4). For more information about HMSE, visit the Microsoft Web site.