UnNews:Michigan teacher arrested for weapons possession
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.|
18 April 2011
CANTON, Michigan -- Canton Police say teacher Raymond Schlepski, 52, had a US Army Rocket Propelled Grenade when he was arrested at Salem High School. Besides the RPG, three Imperial Japanese Army 320 mm mortars with over one thousand rounds of WWII ammo were confiscated from his car. He does not have a permit for modern or antique war weapons.
The timid military history teacher entered a ‘not guilty’ plea when he was arraigned Friday. Classes were canceled last week for more than 600,000 high school students across the state after administrators became alarmed when Schlepski allegedly boasted about his firepower to fellow staff members and students in a threatening manner.
The army veteran, who has been teaching for 13 years, was charged Friday with carrying a war weapon, possession of a war weapons on school property and threatening to disturb the peace. A charge of carrying a weapon with unlawful intent was dismissed after a lie detector and a psychic both agreed that his intentions were motivated by righteous revenge. The judge found that Schlepski had not threatened anyone specifically when he had walked around the school shouting, “I’m gonna totally obliterate all you motherfuckers!”
Schlepski’s court-appointed attorney said the weapons were simply ‘toys’, except those in the back seat of the car. Police say Schlepski seemed "blunt and cockeyed" but it's still not clear why. Like many area districts, Canton schools are losing up to 16 teachers a year in school related violence. The accused claimed the weapons were only for self-defense. Schlepski was ordered to stay away from students and staff members until his alibi is confirmed by the CIA.