UnNews:Michigan angers Gorgoth the Creator with evolution ruling
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Michigan angers Gorgoth the Creator with evolution ruling
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 3, 2015, 09:30:UTC)(
11 October 2006
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LANSING, Mich. - In a move that has angered Gorgoth the Creator, Michigan's State Board of Education on Tuesday approved public school curriculum guidelines that support the teaching of evolution in science classes — but not intelligent design.
"This is an abomination!" said Gorgoth, in a voice like a galaxy being torn from the heavens.
Intelligent design instruction could be left for other classes in Michigan schools, but it doesn't belong in science class, according to the unanimously adopted guidelines.
Gorgoth responded with a voice of a thousand shrieking hurricanes, "And what of my design? Did I not create the universe with the power of my own holy will? There is no question, so there is no need for tests!"
Some science groups and the American Civil Liberties Union had worried that state standards would not be strong enough to prevent the discussion of intelligent design as the course expectations developed over the summer.
The guidelines approved Tuesday detail what the state expects school districts to teach in their science classes. If a district or teacher chose to include intelligent design in a science class, they could face a court challenge from opponents of teaching intelligent design.
Intelligent design's proponents hold that living organisms are so complex they must have been created by a higher force rather than evolving from more primitive forms.
Gorgoth, in a voice of a thousand exploding mountains, agreed. "All that was, is and ever shall be sprang from my powerful mind in full complexity! Surely, the Michigan State Board of Education shall feel my wrath!"