UnNews:Michelle Trachtenberg proves she's an ass

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26 August 2007

Trachtass

Michelle Trachtenberg proving she really is the ass everyone says she is

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Among the more polite directors and stars, actress Michelle Trachtenberg, who played Sarah Michelle Gellar’s body double and sometime-sister in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, is known in Hollywood as “difficult to work with at times.” Less polite movers and shakers among the glitterati declare, “She’s a real ass!”

Apparently, the pint-size actress, who has just turned 21, is eager to prove to her friends and foes alike just how much of an ass she really is. In her latest film Bootyful Ohio, she bares her buttocks for all the world to see.

Concerning the rumors that there was bad behavior between Trachtenberg and Gellar on the Buffy set, the Buffy series’ creator and America’s favorite pedophile, Just Wheedlin’, told Unnews’ reporter, Lotta Lies, “There was bad behavior on the set.”

According to Alyson Hannigan, who played a lesbian witch on the same series after marrying a male co-star, “to keep from being typecast as hetero,” Trachtenberg objected to Gellar’s wanting to kiss her passionately.” The “kiss,” it is alleged, involved analingus.

“What can I say?” Gellar asked. “I’m an anal retentive.”

In Crude Intentions, a movie in which Gellar was upstaged by co-star Reese Witherspoon (and every other player), Gellar taught Selma Blair’s supposedly teenage character to French kiss in Central Park while New York City looked on. Allegedly, Gellar intended the same lesson for Trachtenberg, who, she said, “has been acting a little too cheeky lately. She acts--if you can call her behavior acting--as if only she has a booty. The way she shakes that thing--you’d think she was standing on the San Andreas Fault.”

Insiders say that, now that Trachtenberg has reached the legal age, she wants to “assert her assets.” Gellar, some among them claim, is jealous. “Sarah’s ass is bony, while Michelle’s is delightful!” Ellen Dengeneres, who asked to remain anonymous, exclaimed.

Until now, Trachtenberg has dared to reveal no more than her bra, her midriff, and, on one occasion, by “accident,” a pert and perky nipple. However, she has, more recently, revealed her “ass crack,” Gellar charges, when, wearing low-rider jeans and no panties, she exposed the cleavage of her buttocks (shown here) while entering a taxicab.

“She says it was an accident,” Gellar said. “'Accident,' my ass! I know a publicity stunt when I see one.”

“She should know one when she sees one,” Hannigan observed. “She’s created enough of them of her own, from her sticking her tongue down Selma’s throat, both during the Crude Intentions scene and again at the MTV ‘Best Kiss’ award ceremony, to her dry-humping What’s-His-Name in Harvard Man, to her holding her own boobs in that Saturday Night Live skit.”

Upon hearing Hannigan’s remarks, Gellar retorted, “That bitch has sucked more femme-face than Ellen Degeneres and Britney Spears combined!”

Trachtenberg’s display of her posterior has met with praise from her fans. “They want to see more of me,” she announced gleefully, "so I gave them Bootyful Ohio. I hope they enjoy!”

She paused, then added, “By the way, did you know I’m 21 now?”

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