UnNews:Michael Jackson undergoes plastic surgery--AGAIN!
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Michael Jackson undergoes plastic surgery--AGAIN!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 7, 2015, 09:06:UTC)(
18 January 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
LAS VEGAS, Nevada -- After half a dozen surgical procedures, immeasurable pain, and hundreds of thousands of dollars, transsexual pop star Michael Jackson, better known to preadolescent boys as “Wacko Jacko,” has decided that he no longer wants to look like a woman and is scheduled to undergo several more plastic surgery operations to achieve a new look.
Sources close to the superstar (preadolescent boys) declare that “Wacko wants to look like Jabba the Hutt, his favorite Star Wars character because, he said, Jabba gets the girl,” referring, it appears, to the scene in one of the serials’ episodes in which Jabba keeps Princess Leia as a dancing girl and, presumably, a consort. “He’s not into boys anymore.”
Others close to the crotch-grabbing darling of the music industry (other preadolescent boys) claim that “Wacko’s statements are just publicity tactics” and that he has “no plans to leave Boys’ Town anytime soon.”
“Wacko is as enamored of preteen males as ever,” one of the singing sensation’s Muslim bodyguards, Barak Obama, who wishes to remain anonymous, declared, “and his favorite hero is still Peter Pan, not Jabba the Hutt.”
Jackson has filed a petition with a Las Vegas court to change his name to Michael Jabba, however, an act that Obama contends, is meant to garner still more media hype: “The guy’s a genius at self-promotion at the expense of little boys.”
Reached at his Las Vegas Neverland Ranch, the pop diva would say only, “It’s not about sex” and “I want to look the way I feel after all those nasty allegations about me abusing little boys: like a human slug, okay?”