UnNews:Michael Jackson's death saves global economy
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Michael Jackson's death saves global economy
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, March 26, 2017, 11:23:UTC)(
6 July 2009
WASHINGTON DC -- Fly murderer/president of America, Barack Obama gave a speech at the White House recently, when he revealed that pop legend Michael Jackson, who passed away recently from
eating too many bacon, banana and peanut-butter sandwiches. Oh wait my bad that was Elvis cardiac related stuff has saved the economy by dying.
Michael Jackson's death has caused a 100% increase in sales of everything, including: Michael Jackson curtains, Michael Jackson pillow covers, Michael Jackson mugs, Michael Jackson T-Shirts, Michael Jackson Key chains, Michael Jackson baby formula and several other new products all being introduced under the Michael Jackson brand name.
Apparently the all too famous, Ken doll has been replaced by the limited addition "Michael Jackson Barbie series", from the most popular Disco Jackson, Beach Jackson, Doctor Jackson, Hula Jackson, Easter-Bunny Jackson, Santa Jackson, to the not so popular, Baby Jackson, Cheerleader Jackson and Chinese Karaoke Jackson. According to global markets, they are flying off the shelves like
Michael Jackson hot cakes. The reported increase in the sale of the unrelated "Action Jackson" dolls is attributed to the none English speaking foreign investors trying to cash in on the pop stars demise.
If the replacement of a world famous doll who is famous for being a doll and replaced by an even more famous doll isn't enough, then the replacement of the actual Barbie series might come as a surprise to some. Barbie has been replaced, for a limited time, by "Lisa Marie Presley Dolls". Double packs are being sold featuring Lisa and Michael dolls in pairs, from Disco Duo's to MR. and Mrs. Santa. The Jackson doll series also now includes the collectable Jackson 5 dolls, which are each sold separately as collectable items.
"Ford and Chrysler need not worry any longer," said president Obama, when he discussed the status of the universal recession. "The sales in Michael Jackson bumper stickers, posters, Michael Jackson Cereals (such as the delicious Michael Jackson Korn Flakes), Michael Jackson Milk, Michael Jackson Anchovies, Michael Jackson salted liquorices, Michael Jackson energy drink and numerous other Michael Jackson products, have all been so high in the past week alone that the end of recession should come earlier than expected as a result."
Ford will be releasing a new car soon, called the "Michael Jackson M1, Turbo". "Bookings for the new model have gone through the roof according to Ford dealerships worldwide. "Who wouldn't want a car with Michael Jackson's name and face on it?" said an excited young blonde guy wearing tight white pants and a red jacket, bearing a picture of Michael Jackson on it. The car is a limited series which includes yearly dealer installed modifications which gradually change it's appearance. It also has a specially formulated black paint that loses it pigmentation over time.
Statistics reveal that worldwide guilt is to thank for the sudden increase in sales, as a result of everyone feeling kind of bad that they laughed at Michael Jackson a lot while he was alive, after assuming that he, like Nelson Mandela, would live till the age of 100, therefore they are all buying his stuff in desperation to feel better about themselves. No worries either way, because businesses are smiling all the way to the bank.
- Michael Jackson. "Michael jackson, Michael jackson, Michael jackson, Michael Jackson.". Michael Jacksonedia, Michael Jacksonuary Michael Jackson Day, 2000 and Michael Jackson