|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
5 February 2010
LOS ANGELES, California - Michael Jackson's former physician has new plans. Dr. Conrad Murray had agreed earlier this week to surrender himself to authorities on charges related to the disappearance of Jackson, a pop music legend and international pedophilia icon. Murray had originally planed to go with police on Friday without resistance, but has declared against the advice of his attorney that he will take an extended vacation instead.
Dr. Murray told the Associated Press in an afternoon press conference, "I have been under a lot of stress since negotiations between prosecutors and my defense team broke down yesterday. A lot of stress. Therefore, I have concluded that a vacation to Columbia is in my best medical interests, I am a doctor after all."
LA Police spokesman Lt. Allan Dillard told UnNews shortly thereafter that Dr. Murray's decision was news to him. "I was still under the impression that he was going to turn himself in tomorrow. Gee, I guess we should get on figuring out what we're going to do now, huh?"
Dr. Murray's lawyer Ed Chernoff Esq. sat down in a one on one with UnNews earlier. He had this to say on the entire situation; "Well, I advised Dr. Murray against such an action as this, but he is his own man. He strongly feels that going on vacation to Columbia is truly in his best interests medically. He fully intends to come back to the United States later next week in order to face charges. He gave me his word." When asked whether or not his client was in fact innocent, Chernoff looked puzzled for a second and then said, "of course my client is innocent. Why on earth would he feel confident enough to take a vacation right now if he wasn't innocent? How many guilty people take vacations anyway."
When UnNews tried to contact Dr. Murray for comment, we learned that he was already airborne on his way to Columbia and would not be able to get cell reception for a few hours.
- CNN "Michael Jackson's doctor will not surrender to authorities Friday". CNN.com, February 4, 2010