UnNews:Mexico prepares to invade US; claims "Israel did it."
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Mexico prepares to invade US; claims "Israel did it."
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, September 28, 2016, 01:53:UTC)(
9 August 2006
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The crisis began two days ago when a group known as "The Border Patrol" kidnapped Mexican nationals along the shared US/Mexico border. The Border Patrol claims it is only defending the United States from "Foreign Intruders", but Mexico is demanding that the group release the captives and immediately disarm and disband.
The situation has only deteriorated since then, resulting in this statement from Presidente Vicente Fox of Mexico, given only moments before the bombing began: "This Nation will not stand by while our people are being held hostage by foreign radicals, if the United States refuses to act, we will!"
The United States has pleaded for a cease fire, claiming hundreds of people are in dire need of humanitarian support. "For Christ's sake!" Said President George W. Bush, "They had to close the MacDonalds! It's barbaric!"
The UN also had its say, issuing a statement demanding that Mexico take all necessary precautions in saving civilian life, with Secretary General Kofi Annan saying, "I mean, hell, it's all your people down there anyways."