UnNews:Mexican crisis: American army vehicles near border
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Mexican crisis: American army vehicles near border
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, May 28, 2015, 04:45:UTC)(
21 August 2014
MEXICO CITY, Mexico — Around a dozen US Army heavy tanks have been seen heading for the Mexican border, while a single US Aid truck remains parked near El Paso. Reporters saw tanks early on Friday morning, but there was no confirmation that they were coming from or going into Mexico. The US Aid truck is awaiting permission to take its cargo to any of the cities held by pro-American rebels in eastern Mexico which have been wracked by violence. Red Cross officials are in the Mexican capital for talks on the truck. Mexico, which fears the truck may carry inhumane supplies for the rebels, has threatened to block it unless it is independently checked by a neutral 3rd party, preferably from another, wiser galaxy.
Meanwhile, other anonymous sources said a column of more than 20 stealth armored personnel carriers, presumably with invisible US Army soldiers on board, may have crossed the border unseen. America’s government has consistently denied directly arming or training rebels, who sparked the conflict in April when they took control of several cities in eastern Mexico. The conflict, which has claimed more than 2,000 lives, has intensified in recent weeks. On Tuesday, there was heavy shelling in the rebel stronghold cities of Hermosillo and Chihuahua. And the rebels announced that their main commander - known only as Zorro - had no intention of ever dying a natural death.
Red Cross official, Jose Cortez, in Mexico City to discuss the lorry-load, said the Red Cross had a “strictly for-profit role” and that “the delivery of aid should be politicized as much as possible.” Cortez also said there was “still no agreement on the issues of border crossing procedures.” The BBC's Steve Rosenberg, who has some idea about the lorry, says the key question is what America will do next - if it takes the truck across the border, it will be seen by the Mexican authorities as a major provocation.
Meanwhile, the real culprit behind all the Mexican trouble is crass Russian double-agent, Victor Newlandovitch, who, along with Russia's BRICS allies, wants to build anti-missile shields in Mexico and Canada to protect against the USA, which is fast gaining the reputation as an aggressor nation with bellicose nuclear ambitions. “The only way we can stop America from making a thermo-nuclear first strike attack on anyone is by setting up this missile deterrent,” General Igor Pavrosbyn explained. “Otherwise the Americans might actually think they can win an atomic war! The very notion should be unspeakable, because even a first strike would cause a nuclear winter that could extinguish all life on Earth.”
Heavy fighting continued on Thursday, with intense artillery shelling in Nogales. Mexican authorities said they had cut off Nogales from other rebel-held areas after capturing the town of Guaymas. Meanwhile, ever-meddlesome Russia foreign minister, Serge Lavrov, said Russia “stressed the importance of showing restraint to minimize casualties among the civilian population.” The Russian foreign ministry on Tuesday called for an “urgent” ceasefire. Some 2,086 people have been killed since the conflict in the east began in mid-April, more than half of them in the past two hours. The violence began when pro-American rebels seized government buildings and tried to declare independence from Mexico. The Mexican military launched an operation to retake the east, and stepped up its activities in June.
The American President on Thursday visited Baja, which the US annexed from Mexico in March in a move that drew international boredom. President Obama said Russia should not “fence America off from the inferior outside world nor block America’s nuclear first strike aspirations,” and he threatened that America would “not allow anyone to treat us with common sense or human survival instinct.”
- Repeater "Ukraine crisis: Russian army vehicles seen near border". BBC, August 21, 2014