UnNews:Metropolitan Police announce drastic uniform change
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Metropolitan Police announce drastic uniform change
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 21:33:UTC)(
3 March 2007
LONDON, England -- London's Metropolitan Police department today announced a major change in their standard uniform which will allow the bobbies both comfort and ease of movement when running or pirouetting after criminals, innocent bystanders or middle-eastern backpackers.
The change came after a series of embarrassing reports that officers trousers would commonly get caught on the top of barbed-wire fences or become victims of trouser bombings, which have become more frequent in the last few months.
Sir Ian Blair, who is apparently NOT a relation to Tony Blair announced the news at his local strip bar the Lions Loin's in Little-New-Bethlehem-On-Themes in 'Saaauth Lundan'. He said: "The new uniform was brought about after comments on the comfort and access of the old uniform's trousers. This new design will allow our officers to work comfortably whilst still having the flexability to assist in chases, and will be virtually impossible for deadly trouser bombers or homosexuals to access." Sir Ian, who is a prominent Knight of the Round Table also inststed that he is not a relation to Tony Blair, which may point to the fact that they were once married.
The Metropolitan Police are not the only part of London's forces to affect a new uniform change.
Last month the Royal Guards also announced a change in trousers, or rather a lack of, made to protect the guards from trouser bombings, help circulate bloodflow to their legs and other extremities after complaints that after hours standing, they would loose feeling in their lower reigon, leaving tham flacid and unable to perform their duties, as it were.