UnNews:Meteorite smashes NASA window, staff acting strangely
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Meteorite smashes NASA window, staff acting strangely
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 4, 2015, 06:20:UTC)(
15 March 2011
"When one of our night security people reported that a space rock had smashed its way in through the window, we thought it was just an accident," explained an agency spokesperson.
"But then the security guy saw that the supposed meteorite had a note tied to it, which read, 'Try laughing this off now, you god-damned know-it-alls!'
"His suspicions aroused, the security guard then took a closer look at the rock itself. We're not sure what he found, because immediately after examining it, he began gibbering uncontrollably about 'all this weird stuff', then lapsed into unconsciousness...
"We don't know what he meant, but at this stage we think it is premature to speculate about harmful substances, let alone organisms. All the same, we've advised everyone to stay away from the rock for the time being."
Investigators are urgently seeking a NASA researcher who has been away from his lab for the past couple of days. The researcher, a junior meteorite scientist, rang in yesterday morning to say that he was sick, then became evasive and incoherent when asked for further details.
The absent researcher is believed to be mad at others in the agency. This is apparently because they scoffed at his work, after he announced he had looked inside various meteorites and found flourishing colonies of unusual bacteria.