UnNews:Met police ticketed for "disrupting traffic" in Menezes killing
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
1 November 2007
WHITEWASH, Westminster, Thursday (UNN) -- London's Metropolitan Police force has been ticketed for disrupting the flow of traffic when officers pursued Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes to a Tube station and shot him seven times, also nearly shooting several other passengers and the Tube train driver. The force was fined £50 and three points were added to Sir Ian Blair's licence.
During the trial, the jury heard that Scotland Yard commanders had made a string of errors on 22 July 2005 that culminated in the death of Mr Menezes, and ultimately an unwarranted delay to the flow of commuters during the morning rush hour.
In deciding on a penalty, Mr Justice Henriques said he was aware that a heavy fine would result in a loss to the public purse and a reduction in essential policing. "So we'll make very sure we don't do anything so silly. Let alone manslaughter charges or anything that the common people might have considered bloody obvious."
After the verdict was delivered, he said: "This was very much an isolated breach brought about by quite extraordinary circumstances. So we can put it aside for now, draw a line under this entire unfortunate happenstance and get on with giving the police a right to hold suspects for 180 days as they may happen to wish to. Gin and tonic down at the club later? Top hole!"
The Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) said it hoped to publish its full report into the case within days, but "disciplinary issues" were still to be decided, particularly how to extend suspension with full pay until retirement so that the cases softly and silently vanish.
Mayor of London Ken Livingstone said the guilty verdict made it more difficult for police to protect the capital against terrorism, rather than the problem being e.g. gross police incompetence or anything.