UnNews:Message in a bottle breaks round alone record
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Message in a bottle breaks round alone record
Straight talk, from straight faces
Tuesday, May 31, 2016, 08:04:UTC)(
Tuesday 17 April 2007
A Scottish schoolgirl recently sent a message in a bottle around the world in an incredible six days. Kelly McLeod, 7, released the bottle from a beach near her home in Fort William only to discover the same bottle on the same beach less than a week later, after it had travelled all the way around the world. Probably. The girl's mother Emma MacDougall, 21, expressed amazement at the feat:
- "I couldn't believe it had gone around the world so quickly. I had thought it would take at least a month to get even half-way, even for an Irn-Bru bottle. It's phenomenal."
Little Kelly's message said: "If ye dinnae send me back this ****ing bottle mah brother'll slash yeh, ye foreign ****. She was said to be "over the moon" at her bottle's swift return.
The previous holder of the Around Alone world record, Dame Ellen MacArthur, was philosophical about the news:
- "Of course it was nice to have the record after years of work, suffering danger to life and limb and going without sleep or rest for 70 days. But it certainly doesn't bother me to lose it to a seven year old girl and her plastic bottle. This will simply drive me to greater heights than ever before."
Ellen's team are currently working on a revolutionary new design of vessel for her next record attempt, thought to be without sails or a rudder but with a hollow recyclable plastic shell.
- Paul Kelbie "Girl's message in a bottle reaches New Zealand". [[wikipedia:|]], October 13, 2006