UnNews:Members of notorious Midget Gang detained in Malaysia
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Members of notorious Midget Gang detained in Malaysia
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, November 25, 2015, 00:31:UTC)(
15 March 2007
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia -- Members of the notorious Midget Gang were apprehended today by Malaysian police in Kuala Lumpur. Eight members of the gang were caught this morning in the act of stealing several step stools from a local department store. Issues with the gang have been growing lately in town, as they reportedly enrolled their 1,000th member just last month, and things have only been getting worse. Citizens of the city haven't been able to purchase high heels, step ladders, chairs, and several other significant items commonly stolen by the gang.
The Midget Gang was founded in November of 2006 by 3 young teenagers, all midgets, who were unsatisfied with their role in society. They recruited several hundred members right away, and since then they have been wreaking havoc upon all those who aren't too big to squash them. Homeowners and Store owners have been complaining about their existence and the local tolerance for them for months.
The eight members detained in today's incident did not disclose any information about the gang, other than repeatedly telling the officers that they were the only ones involved. This is highly unbelieved, as four of the officers say that they saw short looking shadows creeping away during the arrest. But, even through torture, dehumanization, interrogation, and several bad Gary Coleman jokes, the members have refused to speak up about anything related to the gang.
A local informant, believed to be a former member, has tipped police that several well known "small people" are involved in the gang's success, as well as being highly responsible for their high level of recruitment. Mugsy Bogues was a name brought up time and time again, and authorities have already begun looking for him on elementary school playground basketball courts around the country.
The midgets found today will be kept in captivity until they speak up, and disclose information of the leader(s)' hideout, and give more details of the whereabouts of prominent members, and the merchandise stolen. The members say they aren't afraid of their captors, because nobody would hit a midget. After saying this, one of the midgets mysteriously disappeared, and a small body bag was seen being carried out of the local police department.