UnNews:Melee breaks out between cops, protestors over cake left out in rain
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Melee breaks out between cops, protestors over cake left out in rain
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, June 24, 2017, 20:51:UTC)(
2 May 2007
- Cake left out in rain
- Hundreds enraged over wasted cake, take to the streets
LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- Some guy named Mary, originally from San Francisco but now acting mayor of Los Angeles, ordered that an investigation be undertaken into why the once delicious but now wet and mucky cake had been left out in the rain. A riot started when perpetually enraged protestors who police said were looking for an "excuse to loot" clashed with LAPD who foolishly expect to be treated as human beings.
The investigation hopes to determine, or at least manufacture sufficient evidence to frame someone -- preferably a city cop or other city employee -- for leaving the cake out in the rain. Polce will also have to explain why, in clearing MacArthur Park of cake protestors, it was necessary for them to wear bullet proof vests when the rioters only had flamethrowers which are known to be ineffective protection against flamethrowers.
One man, sitting on the sidelines overlooking the Park claimed to have witnessed the whole thing from a distance said "it's all the cops' fault. He then demanded that the press take no photos while he washed cake from his hands, mouth and pants pockets.
The protesters, mostly chefs, had been participating in a spontaneously planned display of rage about the cake.
"I'll never have that recipe again" explained one of the furious chefs. "Despite the fact that we were committing civil disobedience, the LAPD cut my head off -- like the Taliban -- and used it as a football. This was completely out of proportion. Just beating me to a pulp and fracturing my skull would have been more than appropriate. But this is just too much. The cops act like they are at war!" he lamented while fitting a gasoline-filled jar with a fuse.
The riot was the worst food-waste related uprising since the deadly "lost shaker of salt" riot of 1977.