UnNews:Mel Gibson gets ripped on jelly babies and claims that the Welsh are all "mugnuggets"

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4 August 2006

Gibsonripped

The jelly mania stare.

Mel Gibson has been formally charged with jelly baby-related offences after an incident in which he made anti-Welsh comments during his arrest.

The arresting officer, Malibu Gruff, issued the following statement:

I was wandering about in my police car with my partner and we were looking for robbers when I saw this big SUV driving backwards up a pipe trench.

When I stopped the vehicle Mel Gibson was inside with this big bucket of jelly babies. He was eating them by the handful, literally, without regard for race, creed or color. He had this weird grin on his face, the jelly mania stare - we police officers see it all the time.

My partner tried to take the bucket from him but he started moving like a horse, which was embarrassing for both of us, so I told him he was under arrest. He said, and I quote,

"Ye can take my home, ye can take my family, but ye cannae take my jelly babies."

I asked him why he was speaking with that ridiculous Scottish accent and he told me that he was Jesus, and that Jesus was Scottish and his real name was Hamish. He insisted that this was true, and that Hamish had been killed by the "feckin Welsh".

My partner, Taffy McLeek was less than impressed by this. He told Mr. Gibson that:

"It will be the darky hole for you boyo, if you keep up that kind of banter"

Mr. Gibson turned to him and said,

"A feckin' Welshman. I should have known. They're all mugnuggets."

Then he appealed to me, asking me if I would join him in defeating Longshanks once and for all and then having a good go at the Welsh too for killing Hamish. I refused, and we cuffed him.

He said that the Welsh were responsible for all the traffic jams in the world and that me and him should go and find them and give them a damned good thrashing. After that, he shouted, we could go lynch us some jews. So we just put him in a sack and buried him in a fridge.

Jelly babies, kids. They make fools of us all.

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