UnNews:Megadeth asks fans to help find killer
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
14 June 2012
Some city, Virginia: Megadeth has recorded a public service video for the PTA to help law enforcement officials in Virginia catch a man who is suspected of killing a Virginia Tech hooker after one of the rock band's 2009 concerts. In it, Megadeth's only band member Dave Mustaine asks fans to assist Virginia State Police in their investigation into the death of Morgan Harrington, 20, who disappeared after a concert in Charlottesville. Harrington's remains were later found in a field 10 miles away.
"Killer, intruder, homicidal man, If you see me coming, run as fast as you can! A blood thirsty demon who's stalking the street, I hack up my victims like pieces of meat! Blood thirsty demon, sinister fiend, Bludgeonous slaughters, my evil deeds!" Mustaine chants in the video, while wiping the blood from a knife.
When asked what the murder weapon was alleged to be, Mustaine replied, "My hammer's a cold piece of blood-lethal steel! I grin while you writhe with the pain that I deal! Swinging the hammer, I hack through their heads, Deviant defilers, you're next to be dead! I unleash my hammer with sadistic intent! Pounding, surrounding, slamming through your head!"
"Their bodies convulse, in agony and pain! I mangle their faces, till no features remain! A blade for the butchering, I cut them to shreds! First take out the organs, then cut off the head! The remains of flesh now sop under my feet, one more bloody massacre, the murder is complete! I seek to dismember, a sadist fiend, and blood baths are my way of getting clean! I lurk in the alleys, wait for the kill, I have no remorse for the blood that I spill! A merciless butcher who lives underground, I'm out to destroy you and I will cut you down! I see you, and I'm waiting for Black Friday!" Mustaine continued.
The band is also offering no reward for information leading to an arrest in the case.
"It's Black Friday! Paint the devil on the wall!" Mustaine urged his fans.
When informed that it was not, in fact, Black Friday, Mustaine continued to chant this seven more times.