UnNews:Media consensus: good news is bad news
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Media consensus: good news is bad news
UnFair and UnBalanced
Friday, September 4, 2015, 13:08:UTC)(
25 January 2011
LONDON, England -- On Jan 24 media baron Rupert Murdoch first announced a consensus, based on questioning all major media outlets around the world, which concluded that good news is the worst news! “Good news is not just bad, it stinks!” Murdoch said. “In the media, not getting any news at all is considered better than good news! That’s why we say, ‘no news is good news’.
“If you pick up the newspaper or check eNews on-line, and there’s a headline, ‘Man has nice day’ –- will you read that story? - Of course not!” Murdoch pointed out. “But if the headline reads, ‘Child arrested for cannibalism’ then almost everyone would read about that!” Murdoch cited this as a simple example of the conclusion that good news is, in fact, bad news, and vise versa.
He went on to clarify, “the media looks upon peace, kindness, honesty, serenity, good fortune, and good will to men, to be non-progressive and non-profitable hogwash”, and, he suggested that society banish the very idea of happiness. “Peace and harmony simply don’t sell.
“Think about it!” Murdoch said. “Peace sells nothing. Peace doesn’t sell weapons and ammo or encourage their development, peace doesn’t sell news, peace doesn’t sell gold, peace doesn’t sell reconstruction materials, and peace doesn’t raise the price of anything. Peace is useless to the economy and the media!” He explained.
“If it wasn’t for trouble and human anguish then we (media) would really be in trouble!” Murdoch said. “Trouble sells! Peace is entirely nonproductive!”
When asked about Murdoch’s findings CNN founder Ted Turner replied, “It’s no lie! Good news is bad news! If not for bad news then my organization wouldn’t even exist.” Turner concluded, “ But I do think that Murdoch’s idea of outlawing peace and happiness is a bit unreasonable, regardless of the economic benefits.”
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|