UnNews:Media Embarassment as Bird Flu Fails to Harm...Anyone?

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13 February 2007

Turkeypicture

A Government announcement today reassured the general public that only birds were at risk from Bird Flu. The lame duck he is, Tony Blair is believed to be concerned.

BBC SECRET MILITARY HQ, London -- Due to a real lack of reportable news during the previous week, newspapers across the United Kingdom filled their front pages with news of lethal Bird Flu. However despite promises of 'the extinction of the human race', 'riots', 'chaos', 'food and fuel shortages', 'civil unrest', and, according to a perhaps overzealous publication, 'a global apocalypse', a week on and still nothing has happened. No, seriously. Nothing. AT ALL. I mean no-one died, there were no angry mobs charging around, and as far as I know no-one got a paid day off work. Just our luck. I blame the government personally.

On a lighter note, several media outlets have had to publicly apologise for misleading public opinion and causing severe stress to many people due to their false claims. These apologies were scripted for the relevant media companies by UK courts in order to ensure that they fully reassured the public.

Cquote1 The Daily Mail humbly admits that its article 'Ahhh Bird Flu We're all Going to Die' was not appropriate giving current circumstances and may have not been 100% accurate. Cquote2
--The Daily Brail
Cquote1 The Sun would like to apologize to the public for its story 'Jade Goody is a chicken and has bird flu, avoid her at all costs' and realises that perhaps Jade Goody does not have bird flu and that she is not a biological threat to the public. However the Sun remains convinced that Jade Goody and several other members of Tony Blair's cabinet are in fact domestic animals. Cquote2
--The Sun

ITV, despite also hyping up the Bird Flu situation with its show 'How to Defend Your Home From Chickens and Wild Birds' containing moderate violence, swearing and sexual references [1] was not forced to apologise. When UnNews inquired as to why, ITV received this special treatment: a member of OFCOM [2] insisted that 'in comparison to ITV's usual crappy reporting, their coverage of the Avian Flu situation was almost reliable.' Our source in OFCOM also suggested the possibility of ITV receiving an award for improvement. ITV responded saying they would be pleased to accept any award given out by OFCOM. After all, it’s been a while since they won anything.

Notes

  1. Rated as a 15
  2. Who wishes to remain anonymous for personal reasons.

Sources

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