UnNews:Media: President Bush Biased?
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Media: President Bush Biased?
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Monday, July 6, 2015, 16:39:UTC)(
10 October 2006
WASHINGTON, DC- Several media sources have come forward alleging U.S. President George W. Bush to have shown bias in his policy-making. Brian Williams, the anchor of NBC's Nightly News was insistent, on Monday evening's program, that Bush's decisions seemed "overwhelmingly influenced by conservative values." Williams said his statement comes after carefully reviewing six years of Bush Administration policy.
"It may appear that the President's decisions sometimes favour the goals of one political party over another," White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said earlier today, "but the President's response to the concerned media is this: the similarities are purely coincidental. For example, the President's heated pro-war rhetoric might mislead some people into thinking he supports the war against Iraq. He doesn't. The President said yesterday in a private cabinet meeting that he does not believe that war is justifiable in any situation, particularly in Iraq."
"So he's against the war?" an Associated Press reporter asked.
"No, he hasn't made his mind yet, but he plans to pull the troops out immediately," Snow said.
"Isn't that a Liberal position?"
"No, it's a Libertarian position, and furthermore, the President won't pull out the troops until marijuana is made legal for all citizens. But the Iraqi insurgents must not be allowed to have abortions. And fire departments must be privatized at all costs. Gay men should not have abortions unless they are interracially married. Marijuana usage must be stopped."
"The President," Snow continued, "is biased for all Americans, not just wealthy white Americans, as many of you have suggested-- ahem, (muffled) Mr. Hersh-- but even impoverished black Germans as well."
CBS Evening News Anchor Katie Couric, on Saturday's program, decried the President for being biased toward breathing oxygen, when other gases are available in our atmosphere.
Citing a recent Massachussettes Institute of Technology study on the breathing habits of United States Presidents, Couric caused an uproar among viewers when she said in what some have said was a derisive tone, "According to the study, President Bush breathes almost exclusively oxygen, ignoring other vapors such as nitrogen and helium." Abraham Lincoln, another Republican known best for his top-hat, was said to have breathed only carbon.