UnNews:Measured Healthcare Reform Plan Claims Will Raise US Above Costa Rica In Rankings
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Measured Healthcare Reform Plan Claims Will Raise US Above Costa Rica In Rankings
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 24, 2016, 11:51:UTC)(
17 September 2009
Washington, DC - A modest, measured approach to healthcare reform in the United States proposed by a bi-partisan coalition of moderate legislators claims that its implementation will cost taxpayers nothing, and improve the nation's world-wide health provision ranking one spot - from 37 to 36 - if only by a small margin.
The WHO has famously ranked the US 37th on the list of world healthcare systems in a combined ranking that accounts for care quality, availability, affordability, and other such factors. While 37 is in the upper twentieth percentile world-wide, this lofty standing just isn't good enough for these cautious lawmakers, who have vowed to their constituents that the US will rise above Costa Rica (currently number 36) if it's the only thing they accomplish during their respective terms.
The plan calls for slight modifications to malpractice insurance law that will in no way impede individuals' recourse to the courts, but will "probably result in some reduction in frivolous claims". It will also ensure that, while protecting insurer's rights to maximize their profitability, no one will be denied coverage without at least adequate justification. A third provision of this unambitious plan will impose a very unrestrictive cap on premium charges that insurers can impose, unless there is compelling market pressure not to.
These moderate senators and congress members are very confident that their plan will not only be attractive to the majority of lawmakers on each side of the aisle, but that its implementation would be nearly seemless, since it does very little to address any actual problems. They also have developed detailed reports describing the factors provided by this plan that will lift the current U.S. ranking above that of Costa Rica once and for all.
"Take that, Costa Rica!" gleefully exclaimed one representative, waving a copy of the several-page document. "Who's your healthcare daddy now?"