UnNews:McDonalds merges with Monsanto to produce pure evil
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McDonalds merges with Monsanto to produce pure evil
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 3, 2015, 21:21:UTC)(
26 January 2012
Today, horror has been unleashed when McDonalds merged with Monsanto and genetically modified evil food products, although they already had those a long time before. In the plot from Islamic leaders to make the western world so fat, that they can't enforce capitalism into the middle east, they stumbled upon the genetic sequence which has converted thousands of men, woman, and children into complete fatso's. When interviewed by UnNews, they bribed a young crew member into trying one of their McFlurry's and eventually started a massive pandemic where the motorway was demolished due to bunches of McDonalds eater's trying a bite inside the car and expanding until they completely totaled the motorway and cost insurance companies billions of dollars in an attempt to restore both medical health and the car's reduced to a rather oily pulp.
Luckily, nutritionists survived and witnessed the event. "I was driving along in my van when I saw a strange skin-colored bubble inflate like a big balloon on the motorway, then clothes smacked into my car windscreen and suddenly, blood and guts flicked onto the windows and I knew what had happened." Exploding people have been very common since the incident.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|