|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
22 April 2009
DES PLAINES, Illinois -- Being called to service from the reserves, McDonald's Corporation's Captain Charles Rook, will join the allies in fighting against trademark terrorism occuring in the Western Indian Ocean, alongside rival Yum! Brands. Although the coalition is led by marketing titan, the Walt Disney Company, Yum! is an associated state within the alliance. McDonald's will join under similar terms. "Not since the days of Dubya Dubya Two, the big one, have former and future enemies joined forces against a common foe" said Company Spokesclown, Ronald McDonald. This refers to the USA and the USSR briefly joining forces against Hitler and his Third Reich. International food analysts hope after the skirmish the corporate food baronies will keep their heat lamps burning and not start a cold war.
From his retirement village in Port Royal, Jamaica, C.Rook has been quoted as saying he is very excited about the operation, and looks forward to joining forces with Hook, Sparrow, Silver and the Great Root Bear. Sources close to Rook state he is currently in contact with the Hamburglar to join the fight as well.
At risk, is a merchandising nightmare. Disney stands to lose trillions of dollars in product placement and customer goodwill, if the Somali Pirates continue to use the term pirate in their hostage taking. The researchers at Hamburger University hypothesize the only way to stop them from using the term "pirate" is to end the international crisis. "If thats what we need to do, then thats what we need to do" said Captain C.Rook. The trilateral fleet will be led by the chief seamanship officers of each partner. Admiral Hook will command the MS Disney Magic, Long John Silver will command the GS Yum! Lollipop, and C.Rook, will command the MS Disney Wonder. While McDonald's corporation has an industrial fleet of its own, the company could not afford to divert the assets from the Filet a fish harvest, after a particularly strong Lenten season.
- Peter Frost "Somalia piracy fallout: Merchant mariners advocate for ships to arm themselves". Daily Press (Virginia), April 15, 2008
- Kui Kinyanjui "Trademark, brand wars to increase as firms protect image". African Business Daily, April 21, 2009