UnNews:McDonalds, Walmart, Google, Apple, Facebook, Disney, and Exxon merge, build Deathstar

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
McDonalds, Walmart, Google, Apple, Facebook, Disney, and Exxon merge, build Deathstar

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 02:51:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

24 June 2010


This is a perfectly normal, legal business action and there should be no cause for alarm whatsoever.

EVERYWHERE -- In a move that has society collectively shitting its pants, Walmart, McDonalds, Google, Apple, Facebook, Disney, and Exxon Mobile have merged and also allegedly built a Deathstar. The Company, calling itself McWalEverythingWorld, faces a legal battle with the ACLU, but the company's representatives show little fear at the prospect of a legal battle.

Waldo "Shadowman" Derickson, company spokesperson for McWalEverythingWorld, had this to say about the lawsuit:

"We foresee no real successful legal consequences here. Not only have we bribed or threatened the families of over half the judges, but our company is technically not a monopoly anyway. Also, the force is weak with the ACLU."

In response to allegations that his new company was building a Deathstar, Derickson stated that,

"The Death Star that conspiracy theorists claim we are building is actually a new add on to the ride at Disney's Epcot center in Walt Disney World, Florida. With added photon blasters, the attraction is fun for the whole family!"

The company is as of yet still unsure whether it will continue with its previously stated plans of iphone-embedded hamburgers, or search engines installed at gas pumps. Citizens of the world are advised to begin pledging their unwavering loyalty to McWalEverythingWorld before the cleansing begins.

edit Sources

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools