UnNews:McCain selects Arthur Fonzarelli as running mate
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McCain selects Arthur Fonzarelli as running mate
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 30, 2017, 12:07:UTC)(
PHOENIX, Arizona - In what appears to be an absolutely brilliant display of political prowess and social understanding, Senator and Republican Presidental contender John McCain (R-AZ) has chosen The Fonz to be his Vice Presidential running mate. This annoouncement comes one day after Sen. Barack Obama (D-DUNNO) announced that some dude named 'Biden' was going to be his running mate. The news is sure to put a unique, unforseen spin on this long, drawn out, ridiculously boring Presidential campaign. Said Senator Obama when he learned of McCain's choice, "No way! I LOVE the Fonz! How cool would THAT be if HE was Vice President?! Fonzie for Vice President! YAAAAY!"
The Obama camp quickly huddled, tackled the Senator, whacked him over the head a few times with a damp rubber chicken, and straightened him out. "You idiot! I could have been President! But NOOooo, Senator Obama got in my WAY!" shouted Hillary Clinton (D-NY). The Obama camp quickly huddled, tackled the Senator, whacked her over the head a few times with a damp rubber chicken, and straightened her out.
Generation X-ers remember The Fonz from the 1970's sitcom Happy Days. Fonzie lived upstairs from the Cunninghams, a nuclear family from
Milwalkee millwookie Anchorage, Alaska. He drove a motorcycle, made out with chicks, worked on motorcycles, made out with chicks, hung out at Arnold's, made out with chicks, ate his veggies, made out with chicks, got a library card announcing "Reading is cool", and made out with even more chicks.
Some would argue that to connect with the younger 40-something crowd Senator McCain has in fact chosen the right messenger in The Fonz. He consistently ate his '"veggies"', he reads, he epitomizes everything that every young adolescent American male ever wanted to be (such as cool), he rides a motorcycle, he's good with chicks, and he is honest. Additionally, The Fonz could fix broken things just by punching them. Stated McCain, "That's when you know you're cool!"
Senator John McCain still has not announced his choice for other political offices, including nominations for the Supreme Court Justices, Cabinet Members, Ambassadors, and the like. One can only wonder who is next and for which Department. As a reminder, all Presidential Appointees must undergo the typical background checks and rigorous scrutiny as well as ultimately a confirmation by the Senate. This Presidental Election is gearing up to be a fascinating look into American politics today.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|