UnNews:McCain Throws Tantrum
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McCain Throws Tantrum
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, February 10, 2016, 10:57:UTC)(
29 July 2008
WASHINGTON DC: Earlier this week, Senator and presidential hopeful John McCain threw what has only been classified as a "tantrum" in the middle of a local street.
Those interviewed reported that the Senator had been sulking around in his office for about a week, while his opponent Barack Obama was engaged in his exceptionally interesting journey to foreign countries. During this time, the Senator seemed to be "disappointed that no one wanted to interview him," and just generally had a "case of the grouchies." This bubble of sulkiness finally burst last night with McCain's loud fit in the the center of the capital.
Bystanders reported that the Senator more or less just walked out of the capital building, fuming, until he reached the street and began screaming at those passing by. "Pay attention to me," the Senator screamed. "I'm important too! For God's sake, I'm the oldest man to ever run for President! Why doesn't anyone care?" McCain then proceeded to scramble down the sidewalk, shouting loudly and accosting everyone he saw. The Senator was quickly arrested for disturbing the peace, although he managed to meet bail in a matter of minutes.
"We felt pretty bad for him," said Police Chief Jim Gordon. "Poor old guy just wants someone to really care about him. Well, we gave him some soup and crackers and he calmed down considerably. We let him tell us some war stories, and then he took a nap until someone could come pick him up." When asked if he believed this incident could occur again, the Chief shook his head, saying, "I think he's learned his lesson."
McCain himself has apologized for losing his temper. "All the people were really nice to me afterwards," he told reporters earlier today. "The President gave me a hug and it seemed like everything was going to be okay again. I guess I just wanted someone to notice me, y'know?" McCain sighed, concluding his statement with, "It just seems like the only person the media cares about is Obama."
In other news, Obama has nearly completed his journey, and the full story of everything that went down will be coming out soon! Look for it on the front page of your local newspaper in the next few days, because surely, the trip will have been a fascinating and exciting endeavor, chock full of new information about everybody's favorite candidate!