UnNews:Mayflower immigrants to be deported
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Mayflower immigrants to be deported
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, August 20, 2017, 02:43:UTC)(
16 August 1621
PATUXET, Oranjeboom -- Angry townspeople are demanding that the Chief deport the religious extremists known as the The Pilgrim Fathers back to England. A demonstration was held outside the building the Pilgrims call their 'church' (the one with the big sign that reads, 'Walmart') where the hate-filled newcomers call the natives 'reds' and talk about religious purity.
Tensions have been building ever since the Pilgrims arrived uninvited in December 1620, in a wormy old canoe called The Mayflower. The Pilgrims claimed they were fleeing religious persecution, not to mention pedophile TV hosts. At the time, our Big Sea island-born chief Obi-Wan Obami let in these foreigners, telling us their presence would have no effect on our local economy of fishing, buffalo hunting and hand-woven dishcloths. But their preference for wearing black and white clothing, long beards and orthodoxy in worship has made them unpopular, lending strength to a campaign to replace the Chief of Patuxet with a new Big Chief Orange.
"I want to make our country great again," said Big Chief Orange. "These miserable, long-faced refugees don't belong here - they should go back to England and get their asses off our hunting grounds. Deport them now before it is too late."
Not everyone in Patuxet supports deportation. A section of self-hating Patuxettes have donned bumper-stickers reading, 'Coexist'. However, Big Chief Orange said if they don't stop complaining, he will personally build another boat for them, send these 'pathetic people' home, and send the bill to some place called Mexico.
- Staff "New vetting requirements for USA immigration proposed". Daily Telegraph, 16 August, 2016