UnNews:Maybe for Valentine's Day, he'll get a piece of her heart
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Maybe for Valentine's Day, he'll get a piece of her heart
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 4, 2015, 04:54:UTC)(
10 October 2010
“We’re pretty sure that Mr. Bean bought what’s left of Gladys Holloway,” Police Chief Thomas Martin told Unnews’ Lotta Lies.
What aroused the Beans’ suspicion?
“There was something just a little too real about the head and the way the eyes seemed to follow you,” Arthur’s wife Debbie said. “It was eerie.”
“The smell was a little much, too,” Arthur added.
In addition to the woman’s head, which is decapitated, Arthur also bought the cadaver’s breasts, vagina, buttocks, and left leg. “Mr. Holloway was very reasonable--or so I thought--with his prices, letting me have everything for twenty dollars.”
“You’ll have to excuse Artie,” his wife said. “He gets like this around Halloween or on nights of a full moon.”
“I guess we’ll have to settle for jack-o-lanterns again this year,” Arthur mused, “unless I can pick up something better at another yard sale.”
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|