UnNews:Mattel sorry for 'design flaws' on its toys after 627 children "lose limbs"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
21 September 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
MATTEL HAS ADMITTED that most of the toys recalled in recent safety scares had "design flaws" and that Chinese manufacturers were not to blame. During talks in Beijing, a senior Mattel executive apologised for the damage that the incidents had done to the reputation of Chinese-made goods.
Typical of such design flaws is the "ill advised" inclusion of a "real razor-sharp edge" to its best selling Power Rangers "Turbo Power Sword". The retractable two foot long toy sword has since been linked to multiple amputations, including one 7 year old Mexican boy who was beheaded by his elder sister, who was playing the role of the "Pink Ranger".
Also mentioned is the "Bob the Builder tool-set" with "a real cordless power-drill" which has "had countless eyes out" whilst a saw provided in a seemingly harmless "David Copperfield Magic Set" has resulted in at least 17 children being sawed literally in half. A mini-guillotine in the same magic set has also been blamed for the loss of more than 600 fingers, and one penis.
Thomas Deetankinnjin, Mattel's executive vice president for worldwide operations, said on Friday that the firm should shoulder the burden of responsibility for the safety breaches.
"Mattel takes full responsibility for any injury caused and apologises personally to all of our customers who received the toys and were ultimately maimed or killed by them." he said last night. "It is important for everyone to understand that the vast majority of these products that we recalled were the result of the blatant and deliberate production of potentially lethal toys, not through a manufacturing flaw in Chinese manufacturers."
It is hoped that the upcoming release of Mattel's new "must have for Xmas 2007" "Texas Chainsaw Massacre Toddler Starter Kit" toy will not be affected.