UnNews:Math too Complex for 9th Grader
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Math too Complex for 9th Grader
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, December 11, 2016, 14:04:UTC)(
29 June 2008
PORTLAND, Oregon - The typical 9th grader is in either Geometry of Algebra 2. Carl Andrews of Portland, Oregon is an exception. He is taking kindergarden level math, due to "Mental Problems" he was "born with". Carl, on his first test of the year got a big fat F with extra criticism from his teacher, Mr. Winkler. He says, "I was just telling him how disappointed I was. No problem there, right?" Wrong, Winkler. The "talk" was called child abuse by Carl's mother. Winkler had no comment past that.
Carl is 14 years old and seems perfectly normal. He just claims to have that "problem". As you can see by his test, math obviously isn't his strong point. That's where he blames the "problem". "It affects my math game, people," says Carl.
But does it really? He knows how to talk smoothly to the girls and has a job as a cashier at his local grocery store. Does he have a mental problem or is he just slacking off? His girlfriends say Carl is intelligent and hot. Intelligent? That's what the ladies call him.
So let's see. All the facts point towards Carl playing dumb at math instead of being that way. Maybe he's telling the truth. Or maybe not.