UnNews:Massive meteorite destroys Canada
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Massive meteorite destroys Canada
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Monday, May 2, 2016, 01:54:UTC)(
23 November 2008
Somewhere up there Quite rudely, a massive exploding chunk of leftover solar system debris destroyed Canada a few days ago. Several leftover Canadians, armed with snow shovels, are picking their way through the debris, looking for the $10,000 chunks of ancient solar system goodness to sell to enthusiastic scientists.
Canada, being very large, is destroyed by meteors quite often. Canadians got back to work today, somewhat pacified by radiation sickness, blindness and general loss of limbs. The TSE posted strong gains of some kind or another and lines went up.
"That was no futuristic spaceship delivering whales from the past to intercept space-faring aliens, " observed self-taught jack of all trades Jack, "it was a meteor.. I saw it with my own NORAD de-scrambler. You could even see the multiple pieces of the meteor before they exploded - looked just like stuff on fire falling out of a toolbag and hitting a moose, eh." As the maple man was questioned furthered about the whereabouts of a meteor he replied "Well, shit doesn't happen for any reason, it just is." thus creating the token statement to why country music is so popular in the Midwest.
NORAD, clearly out of touch with today's rough and tumble world of over-the counter NORAD de-scramblers in cereal boxes, refused comment regarding their slow response time scrambling a moose to intercept the meteorite. Whistle-blowing operations specialists pointed out that NORAD "knew this thing was big, bigger than a very tiny moose. At the velocity it was traveling, Canada didn't stand a chance anyway."
Because NORAD is busy or something it has become impossible to track down the exact landing site of our new robotic overlords.
- General McShaven "NORAD, intercepting alien drug traffic since the cold war". Marching up and down the square, Unless you have anything better to do