UnNews:Massachusetts court rules in favor of incarcerated furries
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
7 September 2012
BOSTON, Massachusetts, USA -- After a landmark court ruling here today, furry fetishist inmates of the Massachusetts state prison system will now be supplied with their furry costumes at the expense of state tax payers. Furry fetishists across the nation are hailing the decision as a significant victory in their ongoing struggle for social and cultural acceptance.
Since the earliest days of the movement, when furries were forced by the disdain of society to gather anonymously in the darkest, most secret corners and back alleys of nameless urban sprawls, many strides have been made in the struggle to move the furry fetish out into the open. But according to local furry activist Bunny Tweed, the furry fetish - in which adherants derive sexual gratification from the wearing of silly animal costumes, often during the performance of sexual acts - still remains the last unaccepted lifestyle; the only one that even in the states with non-gulf ocean shores it is still socially acceptable to deride as silly, ridiculous or weird.
"There are furries everywhere now, out in the open," Tweed said. "There were furries at both political conventions. Furries have been invited to the White House. But there is not one single state that has revised its anti-discrimination laws to cover discrimination against us. Did you know it is still legal in all fifty states to fire someone just for dressing up as a wolf at work? It's unconscionable!"
So, Tweed says, this ruling is being seen as a major victory in their ongoing fight for social acceptance. "People don't realize that these costumes, in order to really maximize the... arousal affect... there is a minimum quality. You know? And they can cost upwards of three, four thousand dollars depending on your animal. Inmates can't afford that."
The ruling came in light of expert testimony by clinical psychologists and representatives of the American Medical Association, who recommend costume coverage for furries by all providers who participate in government funding. "Furry fetishism is a psychological necessity and a basic human right for our fellow furry Americans," said psychologist Dr. Henry Cow, himself an avid furry. "But still there are detractors who believe that no prison inmate should receive any kind of taxpayer-funded health care coverage at all, let alone free animal costumes," he said, referring to legislation proposed by former Massachusetts State Senator Scott Brown to ban all taxpayer-funded surgeries for inmates. Brown has called the recent ruling "an outrageous abuse of taxpayer dollars" and has expressed confidence that it would be overturned on appeal.
"It's really a national disgrace," said Cow. "In Europe, prisoners are treated humanely - they are allowed to relax outdoors and drink cappuccinos on the divans in their cells. It makes our country appear hateful and cruel. So, obviously, I am very pleased with this decision by the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts. It gives hope to every fetishist out there who might one day make the mistake of murdering his wife. And getting caught."
- Meghan Barr "Convicted murderers can get taxpayer funded sex change operations, too". AP, September 6, 2012