This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
30 May 2010
MILTON, Massachusetts -- President of the Autonomous Federated Soviet Republic of Massachusetts Deval Patrick announced through the Ministry of Propaganda that, "I will play the race card to its limit in the upcoming election, to ensure the workers of Massachusetts another four years of Stalinism."
The state-level prototype of U.S. President Barack Obama proclaimed his intention to capitalize on being an African American, in part, due to the success of this strategy during the last Presidential election. He also intends to downplay his literacy, intelligence and other personality traits which can make blue-collar workers nervous.
"I'm not saying I'm stupid," said Mr. Patrick coyly, "but I'm not saying I'm smart either." Campaign workers are furiously burying all references to his alma mater, Harvard University and Harvard Law School, in an effort to further promote Mr. Patrick as a man of the people.
Since his election in 2006, when the virtuous Socialist agendas of the workers overcame the previous administration's Mormon theocracy, replacing it with a coalition of gays, illegal aliens, and the elite intelligentsia, Patrick has successfully made the state safe for Liberalism, overtly discriminating against a helpless minority: rich, Protestant, smarty-pants white people, like Mitt Romney.
Patrick's opponents are Republican Charlie Baker, who has actually managed something (other than a corporate affirmative-action shakedown), and independent Tim Cahill, the favorite among state patronage hires. The two may split the anti-incompetence vote, but Patrick is taking no chances. "Anyone who votes against me obviously took one look at my skin color and realized he hates all of us," said the Governor, trying out his new campaign theme. Is he onto something? Only time--and stolen elections--will tell.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|