UnNews:Mary-Jane caught with pot!
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Mary-Jane caught with pot!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 23, 2015, 15:35 (UTC)
10 July 2009
Known for her ability to cause increased enjoyment of absolutely everything, Mary-Jane is famous for her appearance in approximately 195 countries throughout the world. Many fans have commented on her ability to make them laugh with her slapstick brand of humor, by saying stuff like "Dude that’s fucking funny maaaan," or "Hahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- hahahaha - haha." One young man with long hair even said, "Oh man, I can’t stop laughing, you fell! Hahahahahaha."
Mary-Jane has also starred in over 60 films (most of them comedies) and has acted as the same character (A harmless, green, smokable plant) in all of these films, however the characteristics of her character have varied in personality, from Labrador flavoured spliff (as seen in one of the Cheech & Chong scenes) to Pineapple Express (as seen in one of her later movies.) Her film career first kicked off in 1936 when she gained the lead role in the movie Reefer Madness, an exploitation film that, according to her own accounts, caused Mary-Jane to fall into a deep depression due to the strain caused by acting in such a dramatic film. It was largely due to this film that Mary-Jane decided to begin pursuing more comedic fare. Since then, Mary-Jane has grown enormously in popularity, and continues to entertain the world to this day.
According to eye witnesses, Mary-Jane was seen at New York City restaurant/club "Lotus" on Friday night, where she was entertaining other famous people such as rap star Snoop Dogg earlier that evening. When asked for comment on the incident, a rather tired-looking Snoop had this to say: "You know. We were just having a good, chilled time, cookin n bakin n stuff, when them po-po's busted up the party by taking my stash away. Mannnnn. Why the law always godda interfere dawg,"
While some argue that the arrest made by police was unjust, others confirm that Mary-Jane was in fact carrying around a pot at the time of her arrest; whether it was made of steel or ceramic has not yet been confirmed, as authorities have not released the details. Mary-Jane claimed that the pot was being used as a cooking utensil; officials, however, are not convinced. "There’s no fooling us," said Lieutenant Smith, a police officer from New York who initially made the arrest. "If she was using that pot for cooking, then my name is Stephanie, because I am pretty sure that I saw her standing inside the pot while it was full of soil."
Fans across the globe are outraged by the arrest, and are pleading for Mary-Jane's release, going on colorful marches, holding green, yellow and red flags and shouting things like "Legalize it!" Certain, European countries such as Holland however are remaining quite indifferent to the situation.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|