|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
11 August 2012
OLYMPUS MONS, Mars --
Angry Martians have complained to the Supreme Solar System Court about 'invasions of privacy' by the space mission from the joint NASA/Google Mars project 'Curiosity Chrome Intruder'. President Ziggy Arachnid of Mars formally lodged a complaint when the buggy was successfully landed on the 'red planet' last Monday. Arachnid said this was just the latest ' unwanted junk' to reach his planet in a series of incidents stretching back to the 1970s.
I don't know why Earth thinks it has the right to land any old thing on my planet. If we did the same to Earth, your people would be running around looking for Tom Cruise or Tim Burton to blast us into smithereens. Now you have sent this latest vehicle to map our planet - again - and this time it can roll around capturing everything in 3D! Why don't you go to Mercury instead and stick your Earthling noses round their place for a change?
President Arachnid said a formal complaint about this latest bit of 'Earth Imperialism' will be filed on Jupiter where the Supreme Solar System Court sit, floating around the Giant Red Spot. This is not the first time Earth has found itself accused of 'illegal solar exploration'. There are already complaints from other planets and moons about Earth filling their sky or land with uninvited debris from the 'turd planet' as the 'Mars Polar Cap Guardian calls it.
Jeg Tendrils, Chief Correspondent from the Solar System News & Moon Advertiser says Mars has a good chance to win their case but says that Earth is notorious for ignoring judgements from other legal planetary systems.
Earth has developed this reputation for terrestrial arrogance around the Solar System. We get a lot of tweets from the inhabitants of Saturn who have asked why Earth has left the Cassini–Huygens satellite in their neighbourhood. There is a fear that Earth is gathering a lot of private information for future commercial exploitation in the future.
NASA has so far declined to respond to requests from Mars to explain what they doing and also has a long standing policy of ignoring the Supreme Solar System Court decisions as regards previous missions. Google said they had reliable information that no one on Mars had complained before, in much the same way they mapped Earth without much of a issue recently. President Arachnid added he was confident that he would get a positive response from Solar System Supreme Court and issued a warning to Earth.
This is Earth's last chance to stop doing this. Our planet may be small but we do have friends in the Asteroid community. They are also upset that Earth has been chucking crap at them too and have said they will be considering their next move out of orbit if this interplanetary abuse continues.