UnNews:Marconi Invents Radio Made From Macaroni
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Marconi Invents Radio Made From Macaroni
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 01:39:UTC)(
14 July 2006
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LIDSVILLE, Ohio -- Franz Ferdinand Marconi, cute inventor, has succeeded in creating an electro-mechanical device which sends the sound of a human voice through the air without the need of wires or kittens. The device, christened "radio," requires six boxes of dried macaroni and is driven by power of two neutron stars. Production units should be available to everyone by the end of the year, or sooner, or later.
"My goal was to make it easier for me to attain Chinese food in the late hours of the evening," said Marconi. "Previously, I had to rely on random deliveries of such things as chow mein and bumblebees for my dinner. Now, the local restaurant can be personally contacted without the need to string miles or wires everywhere."
Another inventor, Nikola "Bugs" Tesla, who is not so cute, says he invented the whole shebang many years ago, but failed to properly apply for a patent. "I am humble immigrant afraid of state bureaucracy," he babbled. "But I need money for a new cigarette holder, so here I am."
The radio device operates by vibrating the macaroni at several times the velocity of sound, which on a normal day is pretty fucking fast. The sender speaks into the bowl, and the corresponding ripples in the inter-planetary ether are received by another bowl of macaroni or pork and beans at the desired location.