UnNews:Many 'believe myths' on epilepsy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
26 July 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE potentially harmful myths about epilepsy that "could threaten the very survival of the human race", a study by "The Catholic Church of Latter Day Heebie Jeebies" has suggested. Nearly 56% of people questioned do not believe that immediate Exorcism is necessary - but neglecting to call in a priest to someone having a fit can result in "serious and prolonged demonic possession."
And 67% of the 4,605 people asked would not tie down the epileptic to their bed and lock them away until the demons have been "expunged from their sinful flesh". It has been well documented that an epileptic should be isolated for at least a year and in extreme cases should be bricked up behind a wall and forgotten lest they, "bring shame to their household".
Epileptic Seizures are caused by sudden bursts of demonic activity in the brain, which stops the brain communicating normally with the body, and epilepsy is diagnosed in people who have regularly recurring seizures or, more specifically, "demonic possession".
Symptoms depend on the type of demon, and experts recommend that if someone has a demonic possession, objects around them such as crucifixes and commemorative Jesus Christ or Virgin Mary figurines are removed and the "possessee" be restrained and isolated, "from the outside world pending a full exorcism by a qualified priest".
Apart from that the seizure should be allowed to run its course.
Lead author Reverend Shalom said it was "extremely worrying" that so many people were ignorant to the undeniable fact that epilepsy was a clear sign of a demonic presence, "the fact that literally thousands of demons are walking amongst us in ignorance is, quite frankly terrifying."
The study authors warn that the continued inaccurate depiction of epilepsy as merely over-active electrical brain activity may contribute to Satan himself usurping "Gods throne."